How to Leave Your Spouse
The decision to leave your spouse is one of the most monumental decisions that you could ever make. If you leave a marriage, your life will change drastically. You will affect the person you vowed to spend your life with. This decision will have cataclysmic effects on a wide range of other variables, including your finances, your family, and yourself.
This change could be positive, or it could be negative. It all depends on your reasons for leaving. Leaving your marriage could be the best thing you ever do: It could charge you with a surge of independence, freedom, and relief. Or it could send your life into turmoil, wreck your finances, and leave you with less time to see your children.
Only you can know the circumstances surrounding your marriage, and the reasons why you want to leave, including the potential outcomes. This article aims to shed some light onto whether or not leaving your marriage is the right thing for you to do. If it is, it offers some tactics for creating as little harm as possible.
Unfortunately, if you leave your marriage, pain is inevitable. However, steps can be taken to ensure that the situation is handled as responsibly and neutrally as possible.
One of the most important aspects to consider when leaving a marriage is investments. Of course, financial investments are important, but you also need to consider the investments you have made in your home, your children’s future, and your family ties.
All of these elements are inextricably intertwined with your marriage, so you should not try to recklessly sever them. It may sound easy to run away from your marital problems. However, this tactic is also selfish and more painful. You may feel a weight lifted because you do not have to face any consequences, or see the pain you cause. Yet it is necessary to thoroughly deal with this situation.
So instead, you need to handle this experience with respect, care, and deliberation. Face your decision head-on, and treat your partner and children with respect. Yes, it will hurt, but in the long run, everyone will be far better off because you dealt with it.
If you have significant financial investments, they will make leaving a marriage far trickier. Therefore, you need a plan in place before you make a decision, and take action. Talk to a solicitor, a financial advisor, or a trusted friend. Then consider how you will handle each step in the process.
If you have children, they will be the most difficult factor to contend with. If you have been unfaithful in your marriage, your spouse may not want you to see the children. And you must be prepared for potentially having custody granted to your spouse.
So if children are involved, truly consider whether or not leaving is the right thing to do. Divorce can considerably affect children, and lead them to unhealthy perceptions about relationships in the future. Yet if you stay in a very unhappy marriage, your children will pick up on the dysfunctional behavior.
Therefore, you need to handle the situation accordingly. Once you have decided to leave, talk through your plan with your spouse. And if it is too difficult, consult a solicitor together. Then decide what you will do with the children before you break the news to them.
Have You Fully Considered This Choice? Is It a Rash Decision?
When deciding to leave a marriage, you need to think it through. Perhaps you have suddenly had a rash notion that you cannot handle your marriage anymore. If so, it is likely that you may change your mind and realize that you are overreacting.
Never decide to do something this monumental over the course of a weekend. You must take time to carefully consider whether you truly want to sever a bond with someone that you once loved. You should not jump ship from a marriage. In other words, you should not try to make a quick escape.
Start your planning process by answering these questions:
- Have you thought long and hard about whether or not this is what you want?
- Do you understand why you want to leave? What circumstances have led you to feeling this way?
- Could your dissatisfaction in this marriage be resolved through more open communication, or by seeing a therapist?
- If you have considered these questions and still want to leave, take the time to communicate. Have you spoken to your spouse about what is making you unhappy? Do you think they just do not understand you, so you have not bothered to try?
If you have an honest conversation with your spouse, you may be surprised by how many things could be aired out, and how many problems you could solve. Perhaps your spouse is also feeling unhappy, so you need to understand each other again. Or maybe the spark has gone out, so you need to kick things back to life.
Find out whether or not you are on the same page, and decide if issues can be resolved. If your issues are too serious, you may not be able to do anything except make a clean break.
Is Someone Else Romantically Involved?
Sometimes, two becomes three. If so, it can be very hard to recover the marriage. If someone else is involved, then you definitely have a solid reason for leaving your spouse. However, if it was an isolated mistake, you must be honest about it, and give your partner the opportunity to work through it as they see fit.
In many cases, falling for someone else conveys that you are no longer satisfied in your current relationship. However, if you have strong feelings for someone else, then it is time to leave before things get too messy.
Do not start anything physical with a new person until you have left your spouse. Honesty is vital here. If you leave before you start an affair, it will make things far less complex and painful for everyone involved.
Be honest with your current spouse about having feelings for another person. Your spouse will be hurt by this information, but far less than if you pursued an affair. You must tell your spouse what has happened, and help them work through it. Their wellbeing is crucial here.
During this process, you will hurt your spouse, but being as honest and supportive as you can is necessary. Do not run away from the situation, no matter how appealing the other option seems.
Is It You, or Is It Them?
While you are considering leaving your spouse, one of the most important questions you must ask yourself is: Is it them, or is it me? A lot of the unhappiness you feel may stem from yourself, not your spouse. Are these negative feelings stemming from yourself? Are they rooted in your personal circumstances, such as financial issues, health problems, or the inability to fulfil your goals?
Perhaps you have been keeping all your feelings locked away, so you are at a breaking point. Instead of projecting this negativity onto your spouse (and continuing to believe that they are the root of your unhappiness), communicate with them. They may be able to help more than you realize.
However, your spouse may in fact be the source of your unhappiness. They may drain your energy. Or they may want different things than you. Or you may just no longer be compatible.
There are a multitude of complex reasons (both underlying and on the surface) that may cause you to grow apart from your partner, which is ok. It is alright not be in love any longer, and if that is the case, you must accept it. You are not a bad person for falling out of love. People change, which is just the ever-evolving course of life.
Leaving the Right Way
If you decide to leave a marriage, you must go about it in the right way. Remember, honesty is always the best policy, no matter how much it hurts. By being honest, you will be respected for being upfront, and in the long run, it will hurt far less.
If children are involved, they are the priority. Never leave a marriage without considering what will happen to your children. You must ensure that a plan is in place for every aspect of the marriage dissolution:
- Telling the children.
- Maintaining a healthy relationship with them.
- Ensuring that they communicate with someone they can trust about how they are feeling.
Nurture a positive, involved relationship with your children. They should never have to suffer from the breakdown of a marriage, or see their parents fighting. If things get messy, get a solicitor involved. When departing from a marriage, a trusted solicitor can ensure a smoother ride, especially when the situation is complex (such as involving children or an affair).
After reading this content, do you truly believe that leaving your spouse is the best decision? If so, then you should handle the situation with love, care, and respect. Maintaining these attributes is paramount to a successful separation. To focus on yourself and your happiness, the most important things to consider are the feelings of others. Then after the situation is resolved, focus on yourself and your happiness.
Even though you may never have dreamed that you would leave your marriage, this decision will be beneficial. You will have learned valuable lessons for your next relationship, such as what you do and do not want from a partner.
You can also cultivate yourself, so you will not engage in negative behavior, which you may have used in the past. But ultimately, you will know what to look for in a future partner. At the end of the day, the only things that really matters are your happiness and the happiness of those you love. So if you have children, make sure you sustain a good relationship with your ex-spouse.
Even if you do not have children, try to sustain a neutral, positive relationship with your ex-spouse. So handle your circumstances with care, and look forward to the future. If you treat your life with respect, it will always be bright.
Caveat: Are You in an Abusive Marriage?
If you are being abused, your plan should be entirely different than the others above. You do not need to even consider leaving. In this kind of marriage, it is essential that you leave them as soon as possible.
This situation can be incredibly scary, and you may have been forced into staying quiet about the abuse. But no matter how much somebody intimidates or threatens you, you must confide in a trusted friend or family member. Then you should file a police report, so the authorities will take action to protect you.