Quite a number of couples fall in love and claim it’s impossible to live without each other, yet after a while, they begin to disrespect their spouses and take their marriage for granted. They get busy with life, hang out with other people, have a few kids, place a grievance, face a bill to settle, or constantly fight about why the towel should be hung in the bathroom rather than the laundry room.
Many times couples are unaware of these changes and do not see them as warning signs that the marriage is failing until one (or both) of them gradually begins to fall out of love with each other. It then gets to a point where they are tempted to set themselves free of their lost intimate connection and spill the words, “I don’t love you anymore.”
This phase of marriage is usually a difficult one, and it’s likely some rules will be broken. Lying, abuse, cheating, and psychological oppressions are common attributes of this stage, making it more difficult for the marriage to withstand the pressure. However, in choosing to either save your marriage or break up, it is necessary to avoid doing irrevocable damages regardless of how difficult the situation has become. Stay honest and take the risk of opening up to your partner about how you feel.
Below are common causes of partners falling out of love with each other. Scheduling a date to talk about these signs would be a great move if you want to get your marriage on track.
Reasons for Diminishing Love
The commitment is becoming increasingly questionable. Getting very busy with work and making it difficult to spend time with each other may lead to disinterest from one or both partners, ultimately making one fall out of love with the other. It is therefore pertinent to establish clear boundaries between marriage and work, as that helps maintain a balance in the marriage. Discussing this as a couple could help you overcome this challenge.
There’s no motivation to touch each other. Partners who are in love with each other enjoy holding hands and touching each other. When there is difficulty in reaching out to each other, walking side by side or sitting next to each other, it is a sign that there is a problem. Express your opinion about this to your spouse, and begin to quietly make moves toward changing it, probably by subtly caressing their arms or patting their back when you’re around them.
The sex spark is gone. If you notice that your partner is not interested in being intimate or having sex with you, this calls for concern. Couples who are in love enjoy having sex with each other. Intimacy and sex are genuine forms of communicating and expressing your love to each other, while turning down sex means you don’t find your partner interesting to be with. It also means you’re not interested in having other forms of communication with your partner, and this can be detrimental to your marriage.
They’ve become a stranger. It is possible to fall in love with someone even when you haven’t always liked them, since love is a deep connection. However, when you get married, you may begin to learn some things you don’t like about your partner. You may be turned off by the way he behaves around friends or the way she talks to your family. This usually results in a feeling of dislike for your partner, and the negativity makes it impossible to stand the person you married.
Is it Time for a Divorce or Breakup?
We are at a point in history when divorce is now considered the best alternative in a troubled marriage. It has become a common admonition to people who are in pain and conflict, or just not in love anymore. The common advice is, “If you stay, you’re a fool,” or “You’re young enough to attract someone better; get out of the marriage now.”
The person you married is not the same person you’re with today, because people change. You have changed, your partner has changed, and all the fresh dreamy feelings and promises are gone. It’s safe to conclude that your love has also changed form. If you fall out of love, there’s no way to really know if the love won’t return in another form. Apparently, the initial love was ignited by something.
Before you decide to use the line, “I don’t love you anymore” with your partner, be sure that you’re willing to let go of the marriage. If you have decided to let go, consider the steps outlined below.
Breaking Up with Someone You Once Loved
Admit your reasons for wanting to break up. People decide to stay in a marriage for a million different reasons, even when they don’t love their spouses anymore. It could be guilt, or the fear of hurting the other person more. However, there is nothing wrong with choosing to break up with someone you have fallen out of love with. Let go of every guilt and emotion, and admit to yourself that the end is here. It won’t be fair to your partner if you remain in your marriage out of obligation.
Admit the fact that breaking up isn’t easy. It’s never easy to deal with the pain of a breakup if you had truly loved your partner, and it’s even harder to let go if the person is your first love. Having given your heart, soul, and body to your partner, letting go is never easy, and you have to first admit and accept that. When breaking up with your partner, be honest about how awkward and difficult it is to do, and how sad you are about it.
Prepare yourself to boldly face your spouse and say the words. Your partner deserves a one-on-one discussion about why you want to break up. Never use a text or email message, regardless of how long you’ve been together. Ignoring your partner is an even worse form of break up. It’s humiliating and disrespectful. Even if it’s just a “goodbye,” say it face-to-face.
Timing is important. There’s never a perfect time to break up; however, some times are definitely better. Do not do it at public events, or on special days like Valentine’s Day and birthdays. You may be perceived as heartless and cold if you initiate the breakup, but it’ll be worse if you do it on a special day or during an event.
Don’t let negativity get in the way of the conversation. Don’t allow the pain of the breakup take away what you love, respect, and appreciate about the person you’re about to break up with. Your partner will remember the part of the marriage that was great, and probably feel a little better about it all. It’s also important to give positive feedback when breaking up, so the person won’t have a feeling of hatred toward you when he/she plays back the conversation in their head.
They’re entitled to the truth about why you want a breakup. The hardest part of breaking up is telling the truth about why you want a breakup. It takes courage to sit with your partner and say all the reasons behind your feelings. Plan and prepare for the breakup talk. Don’t put off the discussion longer than expected if you don’t want the breakup to be harder than expected. Do not avoid this talk. Do not forget to share some of the good memories and attributes, even as you honestly tell them what motivated the breakup.
Hear them out. Some of the last moments you will share with the partner you are about to break up with are the moments when they are allowed to share their feelings and emotions. While they may initially feel awkward, scared, angry, bitter, sad, or teary about the situation, be rest assured that the initial reaction will soon wind down. When this happens, initiate the “letting go” stage by allowing them to say what they need to, even if it means them saying things they don’t mean in the heat of the moment.
Make your partner realize that you understand their emotions, and you also didn’t want the marriage to end the way it did. Do not let their thoughts about you affect what you think about yourself, but hear them out.
The truth is, loving someone who has changed completely is very difficult. Recreating the initial love might be impossible, but this doesn’t mean the love is gone. Sometimes, it may mean the love has changed form to friendship, or that you need something new to rekindle the romance. I’ve seen happily married couples who don’t love each other, yet I’ve seen divorced couples who are still in love with each other. Loving your partner is the foundation for a strong and happy marriage, and it takes work and action. This choice is the framework of a long-term, loving marriage.
If you fall out of love, it really isn’t the end for the marriage until you let it become so. In fact, it may be the start of a totally different phase of your marriage that helps you find another reason to love the person with whom you’ve shared your life.