There are many things that can cause unhappiness in marriage. Whether the issues are emotional, physical, or mental, all of them point to a problem in the union of two people. While every couple is unique in its own way, there are some common problems that are responsible for causing unhappiness in marriage. These include:
Communication. This is the biggest culprit for making many marriages unhappy. When there is a breakdown in communication between two partners, it can be the source of problems in all areas of their lives. Being able to get the message across to your partner in the right manner is perhaps the most important part of keeping your marriage going.
Lack of commitment. Undoubtedly, commitment is important in a marriage, which entails two individuals spending the rest of their lives together. Being committed to making the marriage work helps keep the relationship together even when it hits troubled waters. Lack of commitment, on the other hand, can spell trouble for your future as a couple.
Infidelity. Like commitment, fidelity is essential to making a marriage work. Infidelity is a leading marriage killer, as it brings with it a lot of bitterness and unhappiness. When trust is broken between two people, such as when one partner cheats on the other, it indicates a downward trend for a marriage.
Finances. Whoever said money is the root of all evil was definitely right. Even in marriage, money can cause untold problems for the couple, leading to the breakdown of the relationship. Whether it is lack of finances or disagreement on what’s available, money is a sensitive issue in any marriage, one that should not be ignored by a couple keen to keep their marriage alive.
How Can You Tell if Your Marriage is Unhappy?
If your marriage is unhappy, you will definitely know. You’ll likely feel dissatisfied with your relationship, or think that your partner isn’t living up to your expectations. It is not difficult to pinpoint just what is wrong in your marriage. Doing so simply requires a bit of soul searching to get down to the issue.
At the time you married your partner, you had expectations of the way your marriage would progress. You had goals and aspirations for the marriage and looked forward to seeing them come to fruition. You looked ahead with hope to a happy future together, with ways to get over bad days. Failure to meet these expectations can lead to frustration and further discontent in the marriage.
Your marriage is also certainly an unhappy one if you are dissatisfied in any area of the relationship. Whether your partner does not fulfill you emotionally and is distant from you or your plans for the marriage have not been fulfilled, issues of any proportion can affect your happiness. If you find yourself spending more time worrying about things instead of enjoying time together as a couple, you might need to examine your union for existing faults.
Are you friends with your partner? Friendship holds a marriage together when you don’t feel so loving. If you’ve started feeling bored when you are together, it is a signal unhappiness might have already crept into your marriage.
Another tell-tale sign of an unhappy marriage is lack of intimacy. Do you feel enough physical attention from your partner, and is there an emotional connection to match? Asking these questions to gauge how happy you are in this area is a good indication of the state of your relationship.
Signs Your Marriage is Falling Apart
Do you find that you and your partner are unable to agree even on the most basic things? Or perhaps you feel the spark has left your marriage, making it feel dull and lifeless? These are some subtle signs to look out for that spell trouble in your marriage as well.
A marriage is meant to be the place where you and your partner find solace and happiness in each other. Each partner should look forward to the end of each day when they can be together again. If you find yourself dreading spending time with your partner, something is not right in your marriage. You no longer have anything in common, and time together becomes more of a chore. The joy has gone out of your marriage, leaving you empty and dull.
Another thing to look out for is how well you and your partner are able to agree on things. While it’s normal to have minor disagreements and even some major ones, you should be able to find some common ground with your partner. If there’s always contention between the two of you, it could be a sign things are not as they should be in your marriage.
Can you sit through the night in deep conversation with your partner without having an argument? A marriage that is working right is about two people who are able to communicate well with each other. This only happens if they enjoy talking together and have an effective way of getting things across. If this is not the case in your marriage, you may have hit a rocky place with your partner.
What to Do if You See Signs Your Marriage is Unhappy
Everyone gets into marriage looking forward to days of happiness ahead. You envision happy times filled with laughter, understanding, and love. Everything works smoothly for you two, and there is no reason whatsoever for you to disagree. If your marriage has fallen away from that promising future, you can still try to fix it.
The first step would be to try and resolve issues between you two. As soon as you realize things are not right with your partner, bring up the issue to them through meaningful conversation. Ideally, you can resolve the problem among yourselves. However, you may need to seek mediation from someone else to gain an outside perspective.
Sometimes, you may find that your marriage cannot be fixed no matter what you do. In this case, it might be time to think about going separate ways. You could try to separate temporarily to see if that helps the marriage, or simply put some distance between you and your partner to figure out your issues. But if you’ve tried everything and nothing seems to be working, perhaps it is time to seek a divorce. Getting an expert opinion before taking any legal action is invaluable.
Who Can You Turn to for Help?
There are resources available for people who are in marriages that are no longer happy. You can start off with an intervention to determine the direction your relationship is headed. Ask yourselves questions like, “What would we need to do to make our marriage happier?” and “Do we want to continue in this marriage and work toward bettering it?” If you answer yes to either of those questions, it’s likely you both have hope you could stay together.
The next step would be to hire or recruit a mediator to help you understand the causes of friction in your marriage. Mediators could include friends and religious leaders, or even attorneys. They can offer a removed perspective that will help you work toward a solution and chart your future.
While your future might include staying married to your partner, it’s also important to recognize that mediation can lead to a couple agreeing to go separate ways. You might even decide to separate without undergoing mediation, if you don’t have hope or a desire to better your marriage. In either case, you should start proceedings for separation and eventual divorce. Talking to an attorney as well as your partner can begin this process and allow you to start working toward a different future.
One does not have to look hard to recognize the signs their marriage is an unhappy one. Being true to yourself and honest about your marriage will help you recognize the problem areas. Marriage trouble is one of the leading causes of depression and other maladies, so ignoring it is not an option.
Should you recognize signs your marriage is not a happy one, do not hesitate to seek help to remedy the situation. At times, all it takes is for you and your partner to have a candid talk about things. In more serious situations, intervention may be required. Depending on whether or not you can resolve your differences, your marriage can be saved – or you may decide to go your separate ways.