EP 200: Why You Should Create a Marital History – Part 2

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Thank you for listening! Find a transcript of this episode below.

In this episode, I wanna continue discussing creating a marital history. Now, if you didn’t hear the previous episode, you should go back and listen to that one because it has a lot of good information about the overview on why you should create a marital history, and some important questions you should be thinking about when you create said history. And also, some alternative methods to create a marital history and why it’s so important to do. And in this section, I want to continue with the marital history and provide some other areas for you to think about.

This next area is called the health history, the health section. And, what should you be thinking about in here to include? Well, if there are any mental or physical problems that have happened in the past few years, particularly for either of you, but particularly if it affects the work ability, and also if it affects the way this divorce may go. Have there been any hospitalizations or major surgeries that have happened? Are there any substantial prescription medications that you may need to think about and someone may have? Also, if there are large out of pocket medical expenses, which I’ve had several cases where that is a substantial portion of their divorce and negotiation, that is very relevant as well.

The next section is education. You should, just for the record … Or, I shouldn’t say for the record, but for our records, give us any information on your educational background, degrees, advanced schooling, no schooling at all, whatever the case may be. And also, this is an interesting section, particularly for those who’ve been out of the workforce for a while. One of the things that you should think about between us and between your lawyer is if you are planning a second career, a next career, what that might look like. So, I’ve had clients who’ve gone to coding school, become real estate agents, become paralegals, become a variety of things. And, one of the things that you should consider is, if you are thinking about those things, how much it costs, how long it takes, and what life might look like after you get that advanced education.

The next section is employment. If you’ve been working, tell us where you’ve been working, about how much you make, how long you’ve been working there, what your salary is, what your job position is, what your future prospects are at that company. And if you haven’t worked, that’s okay too. Let us know. Or, if you’ve had a break from employment. I know some people who worked for a while, then they stopped for a while, then they’ve restarted their career. Whatever the case is, that’s fine. Just let us know what has been going on, and also do the same for your spouse.

The next section is real estate. And actually, I just had a client send me an email ’cause they have a bunch of real estate. I said, “Just give me a list of all of this information for all of your properties. I’m just gonna run down it.” For every piece of real estate you have, tell us when you purchased it, how much you spent when you purchased it, where the funds for the down payment came, how much of a mortgage you may have had, who’s been paying the mortgage payments, have there been any substantial upgrades. Like, if you remodeled the kitchen, or if you added a wing to the house, or a new bathroom, or whatever the case may be. And, how you paid for those upgrades as well. And also, whose name is on the property, as well as whose name is on any debt.

And then, finally, is there other income that we need to think about, or unusual income, or unusual things in your finances? Things that might be unusual or other include income from rental property, substantial dividend income if you had a settlement. So, a lawsuit judgment that you won. If there is a trust, a spouse has a trust. If a spouse gets substantial stock options, or you get substantial stock options, something to think about. Or, if a big chunk of the income occurs in a year end bonus, or if the income is lumpy, or if there’s a business involved. All of those things you kind of can toss into the other section to provide any additional explanation. And, I’ll say that most people have … not everyone, but most people have some sort of other that they need to include as part of the process. So, something else to think about there.

And, those are the main items. And so, what you do is go through each of these to the best of your ability. And, you should start filling them out. Once you have everything written down, it doesn’t have to be in my order, and sometimes attorneys will ask for them in different orders, to the extent possible, you need to start gathering proof of everything, or evidence of everything. As I said, to the extent possible. If there are particular wage items that we need to be thinking about, or if there is a bank account, or if there is a mortgage statement, or if there is a medical history that we need to know about ’cause it could become a good deal, or if there was a specific instance of abuse that may be relevant, or if you’ve been seeing a therapist for a while, either you singular or as a couple, start gathering up that information. Anything that can …

As I say oftentimes on many coaching calls, I’ll say, “I understand what’s going on, but do you have any proof that what you’re saying has happened? Something with the kids?” It’s better to have as much documentation as possible that proves what you’re saying is correct, rather than not having it at all. And so, as part of that, you just go section by section and start getting the evidence you need, particularly if there’s going to be, or if you anticipate, a dispute over something. So, a good example, let’s just say, is a bonus. Sometimes spouses manipulate what their income actually is. And so, what you’ll do is you’ll need to go get the tax returns and say, “Hey. On the tax returns, here’s what happened over the last five years. Here’s five years of returns. Here’s a good way to verify what the income is, or what the income has been.”

Or, if there is a medical issue … I’ve had a few cases where almost 100% of the divorce is about medical things. And if that’s the case, then you need to have evidence of what medical treatments you’ve been having, what the out of pocket has been, who your doctors are, what prescriptions you take, and what the future prognosis is of that medical condition. If you’re on disability, why you’ve been on disability, what prompted it, what evidence you have of it, why it might mean you can’t work. Or, if you’re the spouse contesting the disability, which I also have some clients who are contesting a client’s disability claim, why … You don’t think that spouse is as disabled as you think they are, and here’s some evidence. Here’s a Facebook post of them running a half marathon, or doing an adventure sport, or playing golf and walking around just like they’re fine, where they claim they can’t work and they can’t get out of bed.

So, whatever that is, anything that you’re going to anticipate contesting … It could be something for the kids. I don’t know. But, start getting in the mode of gathering evidence now and including that in the marital history.

Another common one that people forget about, but if you have text messages, or emails, or in some cases, a little bit more extreme end, recorded phone calls or conversations, that is also evidence, or potential evidence. Make sure you don’t violate any laws. But, if you take a screenshot of a text message conversation, or if you have nasty emails or nasty voicemails, or Facebook messages, or whatever the case may be, all of that type of stuff is also potential evidence that can help you with your claim.

So, what do you do? So, let’s take a step back. Just giving you a week’s worth of potential work. You start answering all these questions. There’s no set form, per se, that you have to fill out. It’s just what makes the most sense for you, and what the major items are, and what you wanna include. You can always add to it or revise it later. But once you have it, what next? Well, once you have that information and you have the evidence, you need to take a step back from it and keep it all organized as possible. Have a friend look over it, and say, “Hey, friend. Here is some evidence that … Give a look at this. Is there anything I’m missing? Does it all make sense to you? Is it clear?” If you have a trusted friend, show them everything you’ve prepared.

And then, once you have that all prepared, and everyone’s reviewed it and it’s good to go, it’s nice and organized, share it with your attorney. Or, if you’re gonna book a coaching call with me, or book a call with another certified divorce financial analyst, or someone else, prepare it as well. And, send that information over and say, “Hey. I want you to review all of this in advance of our conversation.” Or if you’re gonna go to a meeting, bring it with you to the meeting, or ask to have it reviewed in advance. I have a document review call that I recently started offering where we go through marital histories, and other relevant documents, in advance of the call so we can dive deep and really understand what’s actually going on in the divorce. And so, I would start thinking about those things, and share it with the people who are your trusted advisors. Be as honest as you can, and we will interpret the information to the best of our ability.

Also know this, is that your spouse may be doing the same thing. And so, sometimes it’s helpful to hear … Or, maybe not even helpful. But, sometimes we will hear the other spouse’s side of the story as well. It’s not just a one-sided process sometimes. We always work for the person who hires us. But, if you’re kind of going through a collaborative process and you’re on good terms with your spouse, have your spouse prepare their version of the story as well. It can be very helpful for all of us as we figure out what the appropriate course of action is, and how do we get through this process in one piece and minimize the amount of conflict, and make sure everyone gets, to the best of our ability, the outcome that we hope to get them to.

There’s no right or wrong way to do a marital history. The more information you can include, the more organized, the better. There’s not a template. There’s not a worksheet you can fill out for this one. But, start thinking about it. Start preparing it. I guarantee you your attorney’S going to appreciate it. I will appreciate it. Everyone you work with will be very appreciative of a marital history when you create one.

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